Physical Side
Less activity and alone all day so juice intake has been reduced. One cantaloupe juiced; two glasses of veggie juice.
I have heard people state after a long, boring movie, “wow I will never get those hours back again.” Because I tend to measure the value of a day by how productive I am, there is a temptation to feel this way about my fast. But then I remind myself that the very opposite is true. A 20 or 30 day fast can at times feel long and fruitless, but because fasting has the ability to reverse the biological clock, one fasting day could potentially add months of quality, productive time to your life. Furthermore, the clarity you obtain while fasting will save you years of wasted bad choices.
Spiritual Side
During fasting there are highs and lows, days filled with energy and positive emotions, and detox days where feelings of fear, doubt and regret come visiting. Even before the day began I was prepared for a long, cruel day. This was partly by design, for yesterday, knowing I was going to be completely alone today, I decided it would be a good time to take an honest look at my sin.
I should say here, there is a time for nuance and a time for bold words. Compulsive, codependent, insecurity, trust issues are words that describe psychological conditions behind negative behaviors, but they can also become excuses. Sin is a bold word, a clear-minded word, a spiritual warfare word. It too describes negative behavior, but the difference is it leaves no room for excuses.
“If we gloss over our selfishness and rationalize the evil within us, we can only pretend we are sinners and therefore only pretend to have been forgiven.” Brennan Manning
Unforgiveness, lust, selfishness, pride, you can bury sin so deep into the subconscious that you fool yourself in thinking it no longer is affecting your life and happiness. Out of sight, out of mind. But it’s a lie. Unconfessed sin affects everything you do, taints every motive, shapes who you are becoming and how you see yourself and God. And the longer you bury sin and regret the harder it is to dig them up.
I have been asking God for sight, that I may know what to do with Freedomyou. Three times during the last 17 days my bible has fallen open to this verse, “my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see” Psalm 40:12. Three times this message has pricked my heart. I know it’s true. The reason why I have lost my vision of Freedomyou is I have become blind with compromise and sin.
This whole morning was heavy with guilt and regret. The task became so discouraging I almost broke my fast. But before there can be radical grace there must be radical self-honesty. The afternoon was about forgiveness, and by the evening, I was filled with rekindled passion and different kind of cleanness that can only come from spiritual detoxification.
I had forgotten how passionate I used to be. Sin kills passion. And without passion why bother with Freedomyou? It’s more work than it’s worth. There are easier ways to make money. But while walking this evening it all makes sense to me again.
The fast is not over, there is more detox days to come, both body and spirit. For now, I will sleep tonight with a new depth of peace and joy.
Next Article: Fasting: Day 19 – Contentment